Oh, my giddy ant!
by Louisiana
Summary: Disclaimer: Reading this story may cause some of the following symptoms: Feeling a compulsive desire to smoke parsley, strawberry teabags, or grated cheese. Running around screaming deliriously,
1. Chapter 1 how it all started

Thousands of years ago, in the time before the word 'time' was invented, before the first hungry T-Rex ever chomped his way through his midnight Triceratops snack, before the magnificent moment in evolution when the caveman came running in carrying a pile of sticks and shouted, "Ooga Booga Flooga Doog!", which roughly translates as, "Yo, guess what, dudes? No more food poisoning, I've found a way to cook the meat this time!", before the brutal Cheese Wars of the prehistoric times, when the Italians practically crippled the opponent army with their lethal weapon of Parmesan cheese (fatal to all with a fully-functioning nasal passage), before all the significant inventions throughout the time of humanity: the wheel, the telescope and the Good Charlotte CD, and before the destruction of humanity in 2256 AD by a race of super-evil Britney Spears clones intent on blowing up the world with a gigantic bomb made of silicon breast implants, with guns attached to their nipples like the Fembots from Austin Powers, blowing the entire human race to smithereens before stopping to casually flick their hair and say, with a sly cackle, "Oops, I did it again." Wait, that hasn't happened yet, has it? Woops, if someone asks, I never told you. It wasn't me, honestly. Noooo, the Llamas made me do it!!!!!!! (Is dragged away, kicking and screaming into a rubber room and placed in a straitjacket)  
  
Er-hmmm. (Clears throat) Righty-ho. Now, as I was saying, before all that stuff happened, the world was ruled by a race of technologically advanced ants. These ants lived in a peaceful society of love, harmony, bell-bottoms and everything else hippie-ish. These super-intelligent ants had everything they could ever want- computers, a highly advanced written language, scientific knowledge and skills beyond comprehension for the inferior human mind, and most importantly, Marmite. But as a gentle, pacifist species, they knew nothing of weapons, battle tactics, dull-looking army uniforms, and crew-cuts, and on one windy Saturday morning down by the beach, the lives of these joyous ants was to change forever.  
  
A group of happy young ants were crawling around in the sunshine, enjoying the warmth of the sand on their thoraxes as they smoked copious quantities of parsley, when one of the ants, a female called Antelissa spotted an unusual-looking ship coming onto the shore. At first she blinked, and pondered if she were tripping on the parsley, until she realised it was getting closer and closer. But the others, basking in their own frivolity, had not noticed a thing. "Um..guys? I'm just gonna go check something out, I'll be back soon, okay?" And off she tottered to approach the alien vessel.  
  
As she grew closer, she began to feel nervous. She slowed to a stop, about ten metres from the ship, and called out tentatively.  
  
"Er, hello?" She paused. "Um, my name is Antelissa, I- I'm not going to hurt you, you can come out."  
  
Nothing. There was no response, not a sound or a movement. Were it not for the wind whistling ferociously as it raced frantically onto the shore from the ocean, Antelissa would have thought time had stopped. Then, slowly, an achingly deliberate movement as the cabin door of the ship crept open. And a figure stepped slowly out.  
  
Who is the mysterious figure in the ship? Is it a god? A kind stranger bearing gifts of cheese and pet Llamas? Or a sick, deranged paedophile from the planet Ultron? Find out in the next exciting installment of..."Oh, my giddy ant!!!" 


	2. chapter 2 the next bit thingee

Plot summary: In the previous chapter, a young ant by the name of Antelissa spotted an unusual-looking sea-going vessel down by the beach, while she is there on day with her friends, and she approached the ship to investigate.  
  
The creature stepping ponderously out of the ship onto the golden sand below was unlike anything Antelissa had ever seen. He was bigger than her, but also black, and had wings and two bulging, reddish eyes. In her life, being surrounded only by other ants, this creature looked incredibly odd, and yet, in her eyes, astoundingly handsome. In fact, he looked remarkably similar to Orlando Bloom. (Ha ha, make fun of all you Legolas fans!) The creature, with it's wings adorned with strange, black, patterned lines, could easily have flown over to greet Antelissa, but this fly was a gentleman, so with a graceful air of modest chivalry, he walked up to her and took a deep bow. (Don't ask how flies can bow, they just can, all right?!)  
  
"Good day, my lady," said the fly. "Pleased to meet you, er, Antelissa, was it? Yes, a great honour and pleasure, madame."  
  
Antelissa raised an eyebrow. (Since when do ants have eyebrows, you ask? Hey, I told you they were super-intelligent ants!) "Okay, what the hell are you on? If it's LSD, I want some!!"  
  
"Sorry," replied the fly. "I don't usually talk like that, it's just that stupid girl over in New Zealand writing this story, she really does suck."  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," retorted Antelissa. "I mean, hasn't it even occurred to her that insects aren't supposed to speak English? But at least she's not as bad as that other girl she's friends with, you know that idiot Cheeze Monkey who keeps writing those stupid anime-crossover stories."  
  
"Oh, I know," sympathised her new companion. "That damn Smeagol." (Turns and winks at the invisible audience through the computer screen.)  
  
The two insects looked at each other and smiled. They were both different species, and yet they weren't so different at all. "I'm Flyan," the fly introduced himself, as he gazed fondly into Antelissa's tiny, delicate eyes. He had only just met her, and yet he felt as if he had fallen head- over-heels in love with her. She was the most beautiful insect he had ever laid his eyes on.  
  
"Oh, Flyan, I love you!" cried Antelissa and flung herself mercilessly into his outstretched arms- er, I mean, wings.  
  
"Bring it on, sexy!" he answered her and they made mad passionate love non- stop for the next three hours. (Damn, I might have to bring up the rating on this story- and that's before we even get into the disturbing factor of this being not just any sex, but sex between insects. Urrgh. (Shakes head vigorously to remove frightening mental pictures)  
  
Well. Yes. Right. But while these two lovebirds- er, loveinsects had gone off to do their thing, the ship was abandoned with Flyan's not-yet- mentioned fly companions still inside. And Antelissa's parsley-smoking hippie stoner friends were beginning to become curious about Antelissa's whereabouts. Oh, and also one of them finally noticed this great big bloody ship that had been right in front of their friggin' noses the whole time, and so they trundled off to have a wee squiz at this old shippy thinga-me- bob. But that's for next time. So stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of, "Oh, my giddy ant!" 


	3. chapter 3, when stuff happens

Plot summary: In a time when the world was ruled by highly intelligent parsley-smoking ants (see, who said smoking strange substances kills brain cells?), an ant called Antelissa meets and falls in love with a fly who arrived on a ship with several other fly personages.  
  
While Antelissa and Flyan were busy getting jiggy, Antelissa's ant friends were still back on the beach smoking unusual substances, whilst attempting to play Monopoly. "Right," an ant called Anton was saying. "I rolled a three, which takes me to Oxford Street. Antrea, I believe you own Oxford Street, seeing as you are lying on the card." "No," Antrea replied distantly. "I don't own it, I'm just using the card as a beach towel." "Okay, so noone owns Oxford Street." There was a pause for several seconds as most of his friends lay there wastedly, or shuffled around playing with the sand under their feet. "Noone? Last chance to try and get rent off me, going once, going twice.." He looks around at each face patiently. "...Oh, hang on," his companion Antrew mumbled vaguely. "Yeah, I got that." "Okay," Anton replied, still patiently. "So what is that- twenty dollars or something?" "Erm, precisely twenty two million, four hundred and eighty dollars and sixty-two cents." "What? How the hell is it that much? And how the hell do you pay sixty two cents in a monopoly game?" "It's got a hotel, so that takes it up to one thousand, two hundred and seventy five dollars." "A hotel? What hotel?" "Oh, and then there's MST of twenty one million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, two hundred and five dollars and sixty two cents." Anton sighed. He was starting to get annoyed, and his hard black shell was going crackly and turning purple. He took a deep breath. "Okay," he said calmly. "MST. And this is..?" "My Super Tax. You know, like GST except the money goes to me, not the government. How else am I supposed to make a profit?" "I see. Of course. Makes perfect sense. If I were living in a mental institution. And where exactly is this hotel of yours?" Antrew shrugged, like it was the most obvious and normal thing in the world. "I ate it." "I see," Anton replied calmly. Muttering to himself, he added, "This is gonna be a looong day." Then he turned back to Antrew and smiled sweetly. "Tell you what, how about I just write you out an IOU." "Okay!" Antrew exclaimed enthusiastically, seemingly unaware of the stupidity of the scenario. "Right. Good." Anton sighed again, and rolled his eyes slightly. "Um, Antelia, I believe it's your turn?" "No," Antelia replied. "I can't go." "Why not?" "Because I gambled all my money away to Antrea, and I couldn't afford to cough up for it the last time, so now I'm in jail. See?" She gestured to where her playing piece was, in jail. "And where is Antrea now?" "She went to the mall, to spend her winnings." Anton nodded and sighed. "Of course. She went to spend her winnings..of monopoly money. Completely logical." Antelia nodded, in agreement that this was indeed totally logical, that indeed there was nothing unusual or even slightly insane about this fact. "Right then, who's next?" Anton inquired. "Stephant?" "Okay, righty-ho." Stephant reached over and laid his hand on the pile of 'Chance' cards. "Snap!" "Erm, no," Anton explained politely. "We're not playing Snap. This is monopoly." "Oh, yes, yes. I get it," He replied, obviously not getting it at all. "Okay then, I know, it was Colonel Mustant in the conservatory with the lead piping!" "Oh, god, kill me now," Anton murmured, glancing up helplessly at the sky. Then he turned and surveyed the surrounding area in desperation, commenting, "Is it just me or is this day going exceedingly slowly?"  
  
Suddenly he jumped, as if a burst of electricity had shot through him and stared, eyes wide open, as he suddenly noticed the great monstrosity of a ship on the sand behind him. "How long has that been there?" he asked his fellow ants. He was answered by a chorus of shrugs and mumbles vaguely resembling, "I don't know." "Hmm." Anton got up and strode purposefully over to the ship. The others scrambled up listlessly and dragged themselves after him. Anton knocked confidently on the hatch of the ship's cabin and called out. "Good day, strangers. Welcome to the city of Antopolis. I am Anton." When he got no reply, he added gruffly, "It would be greatly appreciated if you would present yourselves to us now."  
  
Slowly the cabin door opened and a face peered out. "Yep, whaddaya want?" The creature said. "I wish to know what it is you are doing here," Anton replied, growing ever- so-slightly irritated. The creature shrugged. "Erm..stuff? I guess? Just chillin'. What's it to you?" "You know," Anton said aggressively, "I don't like your tone. And as I am an arrogant, self-centred violent bastard with far too much testosterone and the most non-existent sense of humour since Oscar the Grouch, I will now proceed, along with my ant-like friends here, to have a fist fight with you and the other flies in this ship, for absolutely no reason other than to make a good story." Then he punched the fly in the face with one of his little tiny stick legs. Antelia ran up and pushed the fly away from the doorway, and then scrambled inside to beat up one of the other flies. "Take that, you horrible little..um..fly!" Suddenly she stopped and put her hands on her hips.or whatever the ant equivalent is.abdomen. "Hang on, hang on just one minute, cut! Cut! CUT!!" She shook her head furiously. "Okay, who the hell was the dumbass who wrote this goddamn script!? I have seen better dialogue written for Days of our Lives. I mean, for crying out loud, Sweet Valley High has a better script than this!" She glanced around her, and she spotted the director, and beckoned her over. Angrily, she waved her cluster of paper in the director's face. "What in the name of all that tastes cheesy and flavourful do you call this!?" The director shrugged, frightened. "I don't know, I can't answer you. I'm only the director, I'm not supposed to have a speaking part." "You know," Antelissa interrupted, appearing from backstage where she had been preparing for her next scene, "We could get paid a lot more if we did Coronation Street." "Yeah, screw this," Antrew agreed. "I'm not working anymore under these conditions. Let's go to McDonald's." "Yeah!" chorused the rest of the cast, as they filed out the door, leaving the backstage crew standing there helplessly. The director turned sheepishly towards the camera, and forced her mouth into a cheesy grin. "Oh my giddy ant will be right back after these messages."  
  
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The ants and the flies were kicking the crap out of each other, (thanks to a generous pay-rise) seemingly unaware of what was going on with Antelissa and Flyan. Finally, they all collapsed back onto the ground, exhausted. "Damn," Anton observed. "Smoking really does leave you short of breath and completely unfit." "Yeah, you can say that again," agreed one of the flies, a guy called Flybert. "Not a good idea to try kicking the crap out of someone after smoking strawberry-flavoured tea bags." "Yeah," everyone sighed nostalgically. "Hang on!" Antelia cried, jumping to her feet. "Why are we agreeing with you? We're supposed to hate you! We're supposed to be enemies, the whole Montague and Capulet kinda thing." "Hey, you're right!" said one of the flies. "Piss off back to where you came from, stupid ants!" He shook his fist.um, one of his legs.at them. "You haven't seen the last of us!" Antrew called, as they trotted away.  
  
So now as you can we have a little predicament. Antelissa and Flyan are in love, although their two species hate and despise one another. What will become of them all? Will woe befall the two besotted lovers, or will everyone give up and go off to take teabags, parsley and various other substances? Find out in the next chapter of, "Oh, my giddy ant!" 


	4. chapter 4, that thing that hits the fan

Late in the afternoon, as the sun bathed the earth in an ocean of soothing warmth, Antelissa and Flyan began to head home. They reached the Fly Ship and started to walk around to the front, where the door was. But as they were coming around the side, Flyan suddenly stopped short. He grabbed at Antelissa, and she stopped aswell. "What is it?"  
  
"Sssh." Flyan hushed her. "I think I heard someone." He peered around the corner to get a good look. He saw all of his fly friends leaning against the ship, looking both exhausted and just slightly stoned. Marching angrily away from them were a group of ants, looking equally tired and stoned. One of them waved a fist furiously at the flies.  
  
"Piss off back to where you came from, you stupid ants!" called a fly called Flysa.  
  
"You haven't seen the last of us!" retorted one of the ants. "We'll be back, to kick your ass, white boy!" (a/n: To be articulated in homie-style voice)  
  
Flysa scratched her head in puzzlement. "We're flies! We ain't white, we're black! (a/n: To be articulated in Forrest Gump-style voice) Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what ya gonna get!"(Sorry, I just had to add that.)  
  
The ants stormed off, and from around the side of the ship, Antelissa turned to Flyan in despair. "Oh no!" she exclaimed. "They hate each other! What if they find out about us?"  
  
"We can't let them," Flyan told Antelissa. "I don't know about you dudes, but us flies have a lot of pride. If my friends find out about us, they'll disown me from the entire fly species!"  
  
"The same will happen to me," wailed Antelissa. But then she stared into Flyan's eyes. "But I can't bear never seeing you again."  
  
"We will see each other in secret," said Flyan. "But for now, farewell, my true love." The two parted and went back to their own species for the night.  
  
We will now have a five minute intermission. Please make your way to the candy bar to purchase your popcorn, Coke, icecream and strawberry tea bags. You may also go outside to stretch your legs or go to the toilets if you wish. However, our friendly team here at the Fanfiction Entertainment Centre would like to remind you that you may leave your bags here at your own peril, as it is exceedingly probable they will become digested by a random Llama-like creature called Bob. Thank You. (Intermission music begins to play)  
  
"..We all live in a Yellow Submarine, yellow-"  
  
Right, you lot, that's enough intermission. Back to your seats, now! (Switches back to cheesy, friendly voice) We now have a word from our sponsors:  
  
Indefatigable.  
  
Now we will return to our feature presentation.  
  
Flyan, who is looking stunningly stylish in the new line of Adidai® (All day I dream about insects) clothing- guaranteed to make him look like the most sexy fly in town, and for a very affordable price- was sitting on the beach in front of the ship talking to his friends later that evening. Flysa and Flybert were talking furiously about their encounter with the ants earlier that day, while Flybert stuffed his face with the delectable new- flavour foot-long from Subway (available only for a limited time), which had a tantalising aroma, but not as tantalising as the aroma that Flysa was wearing (New Impulse "Thorax"- the new spray that leaves you irresistible to anything with six legs).  
  
"Those ants think they are so great," Flybert said sourly. "But it's time we settled this once and for all."  
  
"Yeah," Flysa agreed. "We need to plot a revenge they'll never forget."  
  
Flyan bit his lip nervously. Trying to change the subject quickly, he turned to his friend Flyrone, who was sitting, reading a book. "Is that a good book, Flyrone?" he asked him, who was wearing a Paul Frank t-shirt with Levi jeans.  
  
"Yes, I am reading one of the prequels to Animorphs, the Hork-Bajir Chronicles (published by Apple paperbacks, in association with Scholastic Inc.) and it is a very good book," Flyrone replied. "Although it keeps making lots of references to brand names and products, and it gets very annoying."  
  
"Oh yes, I agree," crooned Flyan. "Don't you just hate it when authors try to use subliminal messages to make you do things (drink Speights beer)?"  
  
"Never mind that," continued Flysa, "We need a plan, and I think I have one. What's one of the most devastating weapons used in biological warfare that we currently have stored in the depths of this ship?"  
  
Flyan gasped and began to shake in horror. Flyrone also gasped and dropped his book. Flybert stared, wide-eyed. "You don't mean..oh my god."  
  
Flysa nodded. "Yep. That's what I mean."  
  
Flyan was shaking so hard everything was becoming a blur. "Oh no," he said. "You're going to use Ant-thrax."  
  
To be continued.. 


	5. chapter 5, when crossovers go awry

Flyan didn't sleep at all that night. He had just heard all of his oldest and best friends discussing how they were planning to kill his girlfriend and her friends and family. Never mind feeling sick to the pit of his stomach. Flyan felt sick down to the tips of his toenails. (Hmm. Something doesn't sound right there. Let's just pretend he has toenails, shall we?) Of course Flyrone's snoring hadn't helped much.  
  
After several painstaking hours, Flyan climbed stiffly to his feet. He crept quietly past his companions, barely resisting the temptation to shove something, preferably a sock, into Flyrone's mouth. He found a stream nearby, and knelt beside it and looked at his reflection. He peered into the water carefully and checked to see there was no white powder in it. When he was sure it was definitely still safe, he splashed cold water on his tired-looking face. Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him and he jumped, startled.  
  
"Hi!" Antelissa greeted him chirpily. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
Flyan sighed. "I've had better. Much, much better. You?"  
  
"Oh, I slept great!" she replied enthusiastically. Then she saw the look on his face. "Flyan? Honey, what's wrong?"  
  
Flyan looked straight into her eyes. "Antelissa, you have to listen to me really, really carefully." He took a deep breath. "You are in grave danger, you and all of the other ants."  
  
"Why?" She frowned. "What's happened?"  
  
"All of the flies, all of..my friends. They have Ant-thrax. They want to kill all of you, they're going to contaminate the water supply. Oh my god, this is awful, this is really awful, this is awful, this is.." Flyan was breathing erratically, completely panicking.  
  
"Sssh, sssh. Calm down," Antelissa replied. "Have they done anything yet?"  
  
"No, not yet, but-"  
  
"Then we still have time. I have to go tell my people, we have to do something and-"  
  
"No! NO! You can't tell them!" Flyan burst out. "If it all gets out that I told, that I betrayed my friends, they'll hate me and-"  
  
"What?!" Antelissa snapped back. "So you'll let all of us ants die, just to keep in your 'friends' good books? I see, now it all becomes clear. Some 'friends' you have, Flyan." She turned and began to storm off.  
  
"No, wait, that's not what I meant, please, let me explain.."  
  
"Oh, I don't need an explanation," Antelissa hissed. "I think I understand all too well. Save your breath, Flyan." She stomped away, leaving Flyan to huddle on the ground, his head in his hands.  
  
Antelissa ran so fast she felt like she were flying. She almost caught herself wishing she were a fly, so she could have got there faster, but as soon as she realised she was having this thought, she banished it immediately from her mind. After her experiences with flies, there was no way she wanted to be one of those foul creatures. When she reached her home, she ran inside to find her parents, Lindant and Dantiel. "Mum! Dad! Are you home?"  
  
"Right here, 'lissa!" her Mum called from the living room. Antelissa skidded through the doorway and saw both of her parents seated on the sofa.  
  
"Where have you been, young lady?" her father asked accusingly.  
  
"Oh, nowhere," Antelissa answered hurriedly, "but never mind about that. We have a major crisis. If we don't hurry, we will all be killed by Ant-thrax contaminated water!"  
  
Her parents stared silently. They both began to shake, in unison. "Ant- thrax?"  
  
"Yes," Antelissa affirmed. "Ant-thrax."  
  
Lindant bit her lip, or her ant equivalent of a lip. "Everyone in the Ant- mobile. We're going to find the mayor."  
  
A couple of hours later, Flyan was sitting on the deck of the Fly Ship, moping and wallowing in self-pity. And glaring at the still-sleeping Flyrone, contemplating whether smashing a brick over his head would most likely help or hinder the snoring situation. Suddenly, Flysa came racing in, panting and gasping for air. She had originally gone out, having volunteered to be the one to release the Ant-thrax. "Everyone!" she gasped. "We have a problem!"  
  
Flyan looked up, more worried than ever. He took a breath, made sure to keep his voice as even as possible. "What?"  
  
"It's the ants! They seem to have discovered our plan! And they've gone into hiding! They've built a fortress!"  
  
"A fortress? How?"  
  
"Well, they're ants, aren't they? They've all gone underground, they seem to have built this great big complex under there, so they don't have to go back above ground."  
  
Flybert, who had been listening quietly, now spoke up. "But how will this help? They'll still need water, won't they?"  
  
"Yes," replied Flysa, "but they've already got a whole huge emergency supply stored in the fortress. They won't need fresh water for ages."  
  
"So what are we going to do?"  
  
"Ah, well," said Flysa. "I think I have a plan. We just need to.."  
  
Oh! *Suddenly puts down pen and reels back * Starts to feel weird sensation, like I'm about to be zapped into something. Uh-oh. I think we all know what this means. *Turns to imaginary characters inside head * Um, sorry guys, but I'm gonna have to go for a little while. You guys just stay put, have a drink or something. *Suddenly disappears as is zapped into the 3rd chapter of Cheeze Monkey's story, 'What the'. *  
  
"Oh, dammit," Flysa moaned, "the author's disappeared. Just when I was starting to explain my plan."  
  
"I guess we'll have to find something to do till she gets back," Flybert commented. "Hmm. Anyone for Scrabble?"  
  
Flyrone suddenly snapped awake. "Did someone say Scrabble?!"  
  
"Oh god," Flyan moaned. "Na, if he's playing, count me out."  
  
"Me too." Flysa agreed.  
  
"Yeah," chorused the remaining flies, other than Flyrone and Flybert.  
  
"Oh great, Flyrone," said Flybert sarcastically. "There's not much point in playing then. Scrap that idea."  
  
The flies sat still, in silence for several minutes with nothing to do, as without an author there was noone to give them anything to do. Finally, it was Flyan who broke the silence. "She told us to have a drink. Maybe I'll make some tea."  
  
"Ooh!" exclaimed Flyrone, "I would love a spot of tea! That would be jolly good, with lashings of ginger beer!" (that sounded sooo Famous Five!)  
  
"Never mind tea," Flysa pointed out, "I think Flyrone needs a Lemsip or something, to get rid of that awful cold that's making you snore so much."  
  
Flyrone looked surprised. "What cold?"  
  
"Oh." Flysa exchanged looks with the other flies.  
  
"Guys?" Flyrone looked around at each of the others. "What do you mean about a cold?" Noone answered him. "Guys?"  
  
Zap! Right, sorry about that, I'm back now. Hope you weren't too bored without me. I just had to go do some stuff, you know, the usual: dancing around hyperactively while listening to Good Charlotte, salivating over Heath Ledger, same old, same old, but the good news is we've been rewarded 10,000 reviews, so hopefully now we will be given more funding so the flies can have real wings, as opposed to those mouldy pieces of cabbage held together by chewing gum that you've been using. (A chorus of 'Hoorah' from the fly ship)  
  
A vague sound from the direction of the ant fortress.. "Er..hello? Where am I? Why have I been zapped here? Where's Smeagol, and why aren't there any random anime characters anywhere around? And most importantly, why am I still a hamster?"  
  
A fainter, more ant-like sound.. "Oy, watch it, big foot! We built this fortress to avoid getting killed, not to get stepped on by some big heffalump!"  
  
"Yo, you! Yeah, Ham-zilla up there! Your fat ass is blocking the entrance to the tunnel!"  
  
Oh, no. Yami Cheese Monkey. She must have accidentally got zapped back here with me. And she's gonna accidentally step on one of the ants soon. *Turns to Flysa * Sorry, dude, I'll be back later, okay? *Quickly goes to rescue Yami CM *  
  
Flysa put her hands on her non-existent hips. "Fine then," she called out to the crazy girl scribbling on her refill pad. "Just because Yami CM is more important than my plan!"  
  
"Finally!" exclaimed Antrea upon my arrival. "Can you PLEASE get this big furry dude out if the way?!"  
  
Sorry. She hasn't trodden on anyone yet, has she?  
  
Antrea waved a leg dismissively. "Yeah, but he was just an extra."  
  
Phew. Okay, is anyone here not particularly involved in building this fortress?  
  
"Yeah," replied Antrea. "Anton doesn't know anything about it. He's too busy doing your history assignment you blackmailed him into doing."  
  
Hey, I didn't blackmail him!  
  
"I believe your exact words were, 'If you don't do it, I'll zap Miss Stockton into the story to kill everyone with that evil looks she gives people when they turn up ten seconds late to her class'." (a/n: that could make a good ending!)  
  
Okay, okay. ANTON!  
  
Anton rushed out. "Yes, your majesty Author?"  
  
Take this hamster into the forest, out of danger till we can figure out how to zap her back to where she came from.  
  
"No problemo! Come along, Yami C.M..no, no, this way..oops, careful.." (cringes) .. "I think you just squashed Antrew..aaaah! Watch it! You just killed a group of schoolchildren..there we go."  
  
Yami Cheese Monkey and Anton walked silently through the forest. As they got further into the forest, Anton could see a group of ants up ahead..  
  
"..You are unkind, Demetrius, be not so. For you love Hermia. This you know I know. And here, with all good will, with all my heart, in Hermia's love I yield you up my part, and yours of Helena to me bequeath, whom I do love, and will do to my death."  
  
Another ant turned angrily to the first ant. "Never did mockers waste more idle breath."  
  
A third ant began to yell at the first. "Lysander, keep thy Hermia! I will..aaah!"  
  
CRUNCH! "What was that, Anton?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much, Yami. I think you just squashed all the main characters of A Midsummer Night's Dream."  
  
"Oh, okay then. Do you have any chocolate?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Anton replied. "It's right here in my-"  
  
"Hey, you!" came a voice behind them.  
  
Anton spun around quickly. Yami C.M also spun around quickly, causing a small earthquake that knocked both Anton, and the owner of the voice behind them, from their feet. "Goddammit, Yami," whined Anton. "Never do that again."  
  
"Hey, you!" repeated Flysa to Anton.  
  
"Oh, no, not you," grumbled Anton. "Whaddaya want?"  
  
"I got sick of waiting around till I could finish explaining my plan, so I figured if I came here she'd have no choice but to listen to me, seeing as this is where the action is."  
  
Not necessarily, you smart-ass fly. I could just get Y.C.M to step on you.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Anyway, I know all you ants found out about the Ant- thrax thing, and that's why you're building this fortress.."  
  
"Ant-thrax? Fortress?"  
  
"..so I just thought I'd be the first to proudly announce that we know where the secret entrances are to the fortress' tunnels, and we have a bomb we are going to drop down there. So none of you will be safe."  
  
"A bomb?" enquired Anton. "Like that one made out of silicon breast implants mentioned in chapter 1?"  
  
"No, ssh, you idiot!" hissed Flysa. "That doesn't happen until 2256 AD, we're not supposed to mention that!"  
  
"Oh, sorry." Anton apologised. "Damn Llamas."  
  
"Anyway," continued Flysa, "I just thought I'd tell you, you are all going to die! Mwahahaha!" *runs away cackling *  
  
"Urrgh!" Anton stomped in anguish. "I hate those flies! Something has to be done about this!"  
  
Now ants, despite their lack of size, are actually incredibly strong. Whether this means that one ant on his own is capable of lifting and carrying a hamster is debatable, however for the purpose of this story, it would be awfully convenient if he could, so now, using my magical powers as an omnipotent author, I will now proceed to bend the laws of physics and logic and allow Anton to kidnap Yami C.M, and carry her back to the ant city, where she will be tied up and taken as a hostage underground in the fortress. I will then pull a rabbit out of my metaphorical hat. Oh, and was the card you chose the seven of clubs? Thank you, thank you. *Takes a bow * Please place your donations in the box which will then magically disappear when I run off with it to go buy the Our Lady Peace CD. I want that CD! Give it to me! Er-hmm. Sorry about that outburst. Shall we get back to the story?  
  
A couple of hours later, the flies arrived at the entrance to the fortress. Flyrone and Flyan hung back from the others, Flyan out of apprehension and reluctance, and Flyrone because he had once again fallen asleep and commenced to snore. Anton triumphantly stepped out above ground to greet the flies.  
  
"Come to drop your bomb, have you folks? Well go ahead." He grinned. "Although you could have a great big army of every single anime character mentioned so far in 'What the' against you. Not to mention Smeagol. She can be pretty vicious all on her own." He winked, and explained, "We have Yami Cheese Monkey tied up under there. And if you kill her, every single anime character ever invented will make war on you."  
  
Flybert gasped. "Even the hamsters from Hamtaro?"  
  
"Even the hamsters."  
  
All the flies gasped. There was an eerie silence for what seemed like years. Well, almost silent. Honnnk-ssshhuu. Honnnk-ssshhuu. Honnnkk- ssshhuu.  
  
All of the insects, flies and ants alike, turned to Flyrone. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" Flyrone jerked awake and looked around, puzzled.  
  
Suddenly Stephant came running out and tapped Anton on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but-"  
  
"Not now, Stephant, can't you see I'm busy?"  
  
"No, no, it's important!" Stephant hissed softly into Anton's ear. "It's Yami Cheese Monkey. She's gone. She must have found a way to zap herself back to her own fanfiction story. We're defenseless."  
  
Anton turned to look at Stephant. His jaw dropped open. "Oh. Bugger."  
  
To be continued.. 


End file.
